At the very least, let me beat his face in so badly that even he wouldn’t recognize himself in a mirror afterward.

Honestly, that wasn’t unreasonable at all.

I had every right to feel that way.

Why?

Well—

“Hey! Don’t you think you’re getting a little too damn full of yourself here, Enneagram-san of the Nonagram?!”

A vicious-looking man in his late thirties, dressed in a black suit, had stormed into our office with what looked like his subordinates in tow.

He had the kind of scarred face that belonged in a mafia movie, along with an absurdly thick cigar clenched between his teeth, the sort I had only ever seen in films and anime.

When I glanced out through the office window, I saw firearms, swords, and—hold on, what the hell?

A tank?

Not just any tank either.

It was freaking Leopard 2A9.

One of those things cost nearly seven hundred million yen per unit.

How much damn money did these guys have? Who the hell dragged something like that into streets this cramped? Did nobody stop to think about basic road width?

None of this made any sense.

I recognized that ugly face.

He was the guy who had visited our office about two weeks ago and tried to negotiate with us.

At the time, dealing with him sounded annoying, so I left it alone.

Was that the reason this was happening?

I tilted my head and wondered about that… absolutely not.

Back then, I had left the response to our former con artist. So there was no doubt that bastard had done something. He had pulled this kind of stunt several times before.

With that thought in mind, I called out to the man lying on the office sofa, fiddling with a DSN, a certain foldable handheld game console from Nintendo.

Scratching my head, I let out a tired sigh.

“This makes absolutely no sense…”

I turned toward the moron sprawled across the sofa, clutching his game console like the world would end if he lost his save file.

“Hey, dumbass. What exactly did you do?”

“Huh? I only handled the discussion peacefully, just like you told me, Boss. Oh, don’t worry. This time, I properly used that high-performance AI to make arrangements here and there so the people around us won’t get dragged into it. With our forces, disposing of that level of trouble should be easier than twisting a baby’s arm, right?”

No, no, no—that wasn’t the problem here! Not even close!

The smug look on his face said he genuinely believed he’d done a perfect job.

He hadn’t understood a single damn thing I told him!

I said negotiate!

I was absolutely certain I told him, “Settle this peacefully through discussion!”

Who the hell told him to start a war!?

Nobody told him to “peacefully start a gunfight”!

What kind of completely broken logic twisted my instructions into this disaster!?

My temples throbbed. There was no salvaging this. Not with the situation already sitting in front of us. Not with that damn tank parked outside.

"How the fuck did it come to this?"

Alright.

Let’s rewind a little.

Back to the point where this entire trainwreck first began.

Yeah.

Everything started with that one goddamn word from that so-called “God.”

***

"Congratulations!! You have been chosen to play our game by the gods!"

"...Huh?"

The self-proclaimed god appeared out of nowhere with his arms spread wide, glowing like someone had set up perfect backlighting behind him. His haloed figure looked mysterious, and honestly, the guy was ridiculously handsome, with long hair and an absurdly impressive silhouette.

He called himself a god, but that was not the real issue here.

Why the heck was I here? I searched my memory, trying to piece together what I had been doing right before this. Right, it had been a scorching hot day, and I had gone to the convenience store to buy ice cream. I bought a huge cup of vanilla and headed home.

Then—wait...

What happened after that?

My mind came up blank.

Did I collapse from the heat?

With how brutal that day had been, hallucinating did not sound impossible. Was I trapped in some real-life isekai mess right now?

The whole setup felt way too familiar, like that standard scene where the protagonist talks to a god before getting reincarnated into another world.

It was straight out of the web novels I read all the time.

Did that mean I was dead?

"Oh, look at you, figuring it all out on your own. You really are Japanese. Your quick thinking saves me time. Looks like Japan’s obsession with the isekai trope still hasn’t died out."

The so-called god—though at this point, calling him a god probably wasn’t wrong anymore—spoke like he could read every thought running through my head. I decided it was safer not to take any chances.

Getting on a god’s bad side sounded like the fastest way to end up thrown into some nightmare-difficulty isekai, and I wanted no part of that. So I forced the friendliest smile I could manage and tried playing along, hoping it might improve my chances of landing somewhere peaceful. He could probably hear my thoughts already, but I still gave it a shot.

“Well, yeah. You really are a god, huh? You even know about Earth?”

“Of course. And honestly, I don’t mind the flattery, even when I can hear exactly what you’re thinking. Anyway, you’re about to be sent to another world. It’s basically a parallel version of Earth, so think modern fantasy instead of the usual fantasy-isekai setup. Live however you want there. Just make sure you keep us entertained.”

“So… there’s magic and stuff there?”

“There is. You’ll figure out the basics once you arrive. Oh, right. Japanese is practically extinct in that world. You’re terrible with languages, aren’t you?”

“Uh… yeah…”

I winced internally. Back in middle school, I had scored a miserable thirty-two on an English test. Calling me “bad with languages” was putting it kindly.

“Should I just give you language comprehension abilities then? Watching you struggle to communicate sounds painfully dull.”

He said it so casually that a chill ran down my spine. The way he called it “boring” made one thing clear: he had done this plenty of times before. This god was probably using people like me as entertainment, tossing us around like pieces in his little life-and-death game across worlds. At least I had not died in whatever trials he had mentioned.

"Thank you very much."

I meant it. Language comprehension might not have been a flashy cheat ability, but it still felt like a lifeline. The god nodded, apparently satisfied, and tapped my head lightly.

"Hey, you’re alright, kid. These days, some people look down on gods, but you still seem to respect us, even though you don’t worship us."

"Yeah, well, I’m not really a believer, so…"

"Ah, the whole faith thing can be tricky for Japanese people. Anyway, talking any longer will just waste time, so let’s send you off to that other world. Oh, by the way, if you complete the task, I’ll grant you any one wish. Good luck."

Before I could ask what he meant by “task,” he waved his arm, and everything began fading to black.

"Oh, I forgot to mention. The reason you croaked wasn’t heatstroke. It was a falling feeder pillar."

***

After being reincarnated into another world by a god, I opened my eyes. A dull gray ceiling filled my vision. Not exactly the grand entrance I had hoped for. Seriously, could it not have been something more inspiring? A little color would not have killed anyone.

“An unfamiliar ceiling.”

After saying the classic line, I slowly pushed myself up from the bed I had been lying on.

Leaving behind the oddly comfortable bed felt a little regrettable, but more than that, I probably wanted to see this new world as soon as possible. My eyes naturally turned toward the window beside the bed, and I threw open the curtains that had been shutting the world away.

“So this is the new world…”

There was a perfectly clear blue sky without a single cloud, and below it stretched a modern European cityscape. It had a slightly futuristic feel, but what shone oddly within it were the people carrying all sorts of weapons.

People with weapons on their backs, the kind that would get them arrested in Japan for violating the Firearms and Swords Control Law, walked through the city as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And everyone else acted as if armed people strolling through town was completely normal.

Judging from the knowledge God had planted in me, they were people in a profession called “hunters.” They passed through gate-like entrances connected to otherworldly lands known as “dungeons,” then gathered various resources there. In other words, they were gatherers.

What had happened to this world?

Until the 1960s, this world had progressed with no major differences from Earth’s history. However, during the Cold War era in 1972, history took a major turn.

That was when “dungeons” appeared.

The dungeons suddenly emerged, and due to their nature, they swallowed parts of Earth and released extraterrestrial lifeforms known as monsters outside the dungeons.

Of course, humanity was confused by the situation but still tried to respond. However, some monsters were far stronger than humans had imagined, and they devoured people.

If firearms did not work and missiles were neutralized, humanity had no way to fight back.

In the middle of that despair, “ability users” appeared.

They were originally ordinary humans, but they had obtained special, inhuman powers. These ability users, also known as awakened ones, awakened all over the world and fought to protect their countries and the people they loved. In the end, they successfully protected humanity.

This event came to be known as the First Dungeon War. It had happened 415 years before the era I was currently in.

After that, well, many things happened, and the people who gathered resources from dungeons became known as “hunters.” The world provided them with generous protection while receiving resources from them and relying on them to help preserve peace.

However, as I said earlier, humanity had been protected. Humanity survived, but not everything was saved.

The five dungeons currently judged impossible to conquer, known as the “Five Great Dungeons,” along with “remote dungeons” that were so isolated that responses came too late, ate away at Earth and destroyed nations.

Our homeland, Japan, had also been destroyed by one of the Five Great Dungeons, and pure Japanese people had already vanished from this world.

Many other countries had fallen as well, and the only places where people could currently live decent lives were the European countries, most of the North American continent, a small part of CH, meaning China, and North Africa.

The place God had sent me to was FR, meaning France. In this world, it was popular as one of the safest countries to live in. Thank goodness for that.

“Still, Earth with dungeons… huh?”

God had indeed said it was “closer to modern fantasy than isekai fantasy.” I did think that description was accurate.

After all, there were normal televisions here, and even mobile phones that resembled smartphones. Cars drove through the streets like usual, and there were even children riding flying skateboards like the ones from Back to the F*ture while pulling off tricks.

“This room is pretty modern too. When there is a normal TV, it really does not feel like another world.”

The room I was currently in seemed to be an apartment for hunters. It was cheap, but it had all the minimum facilities, so it was a pretty decent place. Flattering God had been worth it.

Apparently, I already had my hunter qualification, and enough money to avoid working for about two years had been deposited in my bank account.

The money in this world was quite different from the Earth I used to live on. Because of the First Dungeon War, the value of paper money had dropped sharply until it became no different from scraps of paper. So each country switched to money made from gold and silver, which had unchanging value at the time. The current unit of money was gold, and one iron coin was worth one gold.

The coins ranked from bottom to top as iron, copper, silver, gold, and platinum, and one needed one hundred coins to move up to the next rank. Paper money would definitely have been more convenient to carry, but since trust in paper currency was already gone, there was no helping it. The people of this world were used to it, but I would probably need time to adjust.

Apparently, one loaf of bread cost two copper coins, which was 200 gold, so I thought it was probably fine to treat one gold as roughly one yen. That said, prices were too different, so it was not reliable. It would be wiser to shift my thinking toward this world’s values as much as possible.

By the way, the amount of money one person needed to live without inconvenience was about three million gold per year. In other words, if someone earned three million a year, they could live an ordinary life.

This world was packed full of modern fantasy flavor, but the thing I cared about most was my ability.

“I really cannot call this strong… They say even fools and scissors depend on how you use them, but this one feels impossible.”

After arriving in this world, I had also gained an ability. Apparently, everyone born in the modern age was born with an ability, and there was not a single person known as powerless.

There seemed to be research institutions related to abilities as well, but maybe that was not included within the scope of general common sense, because I did not know the details.

Now then, back to my ability.

I already knew how to use it. I might as well try it.

"Nostalgic Toy Box."

After I felt something faint leave my body, a toy monkey holding cymbals in both hands appeared in my grasp, clashing them together with a clack-clack sound.

This was the ability I had gained, “Nostalgic Toy Box.” It allowed me to manifest toys I had played with in elementary school and control them within a certain range.

Yeah, what was I supposed to do with this?

The energy needed to use abilities was called magic power, and the cost for mine was ridiculously low. But how was I supposed to fight with this?

Sure, I could manifest a metal bat or a wooden sword, but I seriously doubted that would be enough to take down monsters.

There was also a technique called body enhancement, where magic power was used to strengthen the body several times over. But that was beside the point.

Could I defeat a dragon with a wooden sword? No way. At best, I could probably beat a goblin to death.

And the “task” the god had mentioned was conquering the Five Great Dungeons, which were currently considered impossible to clear.

“Yep, this was impossible game from the start.”

God, are you telling me to go die again?

Chapter 1: I’m Taking on an Impossible Game, Apparently