The night after finishing my part-time job.

When I stepped out onto the balcony to feel the night breeze, I saw Rui-san on the neighboring balcony. She was gazing at the moon while puffing on a cigarette.

That profile was beautiful. It had been the same since the first time we met.

"Good evening. Thank you for your hard work."

"Thank you."

After I said that,

"Rui-san, you didn't come to the store today, did you?"

"My wallet is tight this month. So, I have to make sure to use what I have carefully."

"Considering that, it seems like you're smoking quite a bit."

There were several cigarette butts in the ashtray in front of her. I might not be good at pacing myself.

"How is the progress on the manuscript?"

"Well, it's about time, isn't it?"

It seems that Rui-san has already started writing her next work right after winning the award. If she can write a few more good short stories, it seems they will be compiled into a book.

"When the book is published, I'll give the first copy to Yuito-kun."

"I'm looking forward to it."

It wasn't flattery. I truly thought so from the bottom of my heart.

"How is Yuito-kun doing?"

"As usual. I'm still out of place at both school and my part-time job."

"Indeed."

Rui-san said with a satisfied look.

"But you've been going to school properly lately, haven't you?"

I will continue with my part-time job and properly attend school. I might not fit in, but at least I won't run away.

Because I have to live. Because I have to witness it.

"Rui-san seems to like my misfortune."

"That's surprising. I actually like your dissatisfied eyes, Yuito-kun."

Moreover, Rui-san continues as if singing while resting her chin on her hand.

"If Yuito-kun is all alone, I can have you all to myself."

To say something like that so nonchalantly.

Koharu-sensei said.

This woman is someone who leads me down the wrong path.

It might actually be true.

Because of my involvement with Rui-san, my life might be heading towards ruin. It might become irreparable.

But.

"I've been meaning to ask you for a long time, but I couldn't."

I say.

"What is it?"

"What made Rui-san start smoking?"

One day, Wine bag said.

Women's smoking is definitely influenced by men.

I was afraid to ask Rui-san.

It's not because I hated feeling the presence of men around Rui-san.

I didn't want to know that someone who looked so cool smoking started for such a trivial reason.

But now, I can listen.

"My ex-boyfriend used to smoke."

Rui-san said that, then after staring intently into my eyes, she chuckled softly.

"―I'm just kidding."

"Really?"

"It's just that I was feeling really frustrated."

Rui-san gives a faint smile, as if mocking the entire world.

It was the hundred percent answer I had been looking for.

Saki-san said that the feelings I have for Rui-san will never be reciprocated.

But she's mistaken.

I don't want to date Rui-san. I don't mind if we don't end up together.

Rui-san is the light in my life. She is the first person I have ever met in this dull world whom I truly cherish from the bottom of my heart.

So, just being there is enough.

Like the North Star. Like a lighthouse.

I want her to keep that sparkle forever.

If I do that, I can keep living no matter how miserable my life becomes in the future.

From now on, my life might head towards ruin because of my involvement with Rui-san.

I boasted about making a bomb, but I have no talent for it, and I might end up failing miserably and dying a miserable death in the end.

They will probably be pitied and mocked by those who know nothing.

I don't mind even so.

Of course, I think being rewarded is the best thing, but...

Even if I can't acquire money, social status, or anything at all.

Even if I can't leave anything behind. Even if I can't achieve anything.

If only Rui-san would smile.

If she does that.

My decayed face is surely smiling peacefully.

Chapter 33: Even if It Decays