I never went back to school after that. Once I distance myself, it's hard to return unless something prompts me.

Even so, I was still outside.

I had been invited to lunch by Rui-san. Sitting on a bench in the university's smoking area, which doesn't get any sunlight, I wait for her lecture to end.

Since it was during a lecture, there were few people around. While I was reading the book I bought, I suddenly heard a voice from above.

"Hey. Since when did you become a university student?"

"...Saki-san. Long time no see."

It was Saki-san, Rui-san's friend. Dressed in a T-shirt and jeans. Her great figure stood out even more up close.

"Are you skipping class?"

"I don't hang out with you guys. I just came here to have a smoke before class. Besides, this isn't a place for minors."

"But it's quiet, so..."

"Well, there are a lot of people everywhere on campus. But still, what's up with the smoking area? It's definitely not good for your health. You won't live long, you know?"

"I might."

I replied.

"But I guess it's fine."

Even if I live a long life, it doesn't mean anything. Rather, the longer I live, the more I feel weary thinking about how life still goes on.

"Take better care of yourself."

She said with an exasperated tone, as Saki-san took a cigarette from the box and lit it with a lighter.

"While saying that, Saki-san's also smoking a cigarette, aren't you?"

"I smoke precisely because I take care of myself."

Saki-san stood next to the bench where I was sitting, leaned against the wall, and exhaled the cigarette smoke into the void with a look of satisfaction. After finishing, she started speaking.

"Hey, I've heard you've been skipping school lately?"

"Did you ask Rui-san?"

"She was talking with such a happy look on her face."

"What did Saki-san think?"

"If you don't want to go, then it's fine. Even if you repeat a year, it will be a good experience when you look back on it later. And even if you drop out, you can still go to university if you take the GED."

"You're so forgiving."

"I just don't care. It's not my life."

"Is Saki-san properly attending the lectures?"

"If university students end up extending their studies, it costs a lot more money. We're talking about hundreds of thousands. Considering that, it's not the time to be going through puberty."

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Idiot. Serious people don't play in bands."

Saki-san laughed self-deprecatingly and then directed her gaze outside the smoking area. She followed the view. Between the dimly lit buildings, the street outside was visible.

University students in suits were walking together.

"That is..."

"Those job-hunting students. Toughing it out in this heat."

Saki-san had a look in her eyes as if she were staring at something far away.

"But those people are amazing, aren't they?"

"What is it?"

"Even those who had been goofing off until then suddenly start dyeing their hair back to black and straightening up when job-hunting season comes around. It's amazing how they can switch gears like that."

Is that sarcasm, or is it genuine respect?

"Although I heard the internship period is coming up soon."

I say, recalling what Wine bag had talked about.

"Seems like it."

"Are you going to participate, Saki-san?"

"Can you imagine me in a suit, with my hair dyed black, walking like that?"

"It doesn't stick, does it?"

"I don't get it at all either. So I won't participate."

Then Saki-san threw the short cigarette into the ashtray filled with water.

"Then, are you going with just the band?"

"If it goes well."

"I think it's cool."

It was my true feelings.

"It's not something to be praised for. Anyone can say it. Declarations without results mean nothing."

Saki-san said that, and then continued with moreover.

"Only a few can remain special. Most people can't and end up being crushed by the world."

"Are you saying you're being beaten by the world?"

"When you're in a band, you can't help but feel it. Even the talented ones keep giving up on their dreams one after another. Even if you finally manage to debut, you either don't sell or end up fighting with the other members, and before you know it, you've lost what you initially held dear. Even if you gain money and fame, you become a boring person compared to who you were before your debut."

After saying that much, she took a cigarette out of the box and muttered.

"I'm saying this now, but maybe someday I'll end up just like them, and I won't even think anything of it."

While thinking about the distant future, Saki-san took a puff from her lit cigarette. Watching the smoke rise into the sky, I too was lost in thought.

"...Rui-san too."

I suddenly said.

"Will there come a time when Rui-san will also be treated like that by the world?"

"Who knows?"

Saki-san says while staring into space.

"But, given enough time, people change whether they like it or not. There's no one who doesn't change. One day, the world will catch up with you. It could be when you get a job, when you get married, or when something inside you breaks. Rui is definitely no exception."

I imagine.

When Rui-san ceases to be Rui-san. When Rui-san loses the light she currently holds.

While imagining it, my heart feels like it's being squeezed. I can't stand it.

"Ah. Never mind."

Suddenly, Saki-san waved her hand as if swatting away a bug and forcefully cut off the conversation.

"When I talk to someone in their teenage years, I start feeling like a teenager myself. Just so you know, a smoking area is a place where I only talk about trivial things."

"Excuse me."

After finishing her cigarette and tossing it into the ashtray, Saki-san said in a curt tone.

"Next time, I'll take you to the beach."

"The beach?"

"You've got something on your mind, don't you? Most problems can be solved by cutting through the wind on a bike and looking at the sea."

Saki-san said with a hearty laugh.

I can't help but laugh at the way she cut through everything with a single stroke.

"What the?"

"Saki-san."

I said after a pause.

"You're a kind person."

"...That's not true. I even resort to violence without a second thought."

Saki-san said that, and then, as if to hide her embarrassment, she gave me a light punch on the shoulder. It hurt, but it didn't feel painful at all.

Chapter 29: Someday, the World Will Get the Better of Me