For a while, I wandered around the school during lunch breaks, searching for a place to belong. I want to be alone. I want to go to a place where there are no crowds around me.

But I couldn't find such a place.

In the end, I found myself heading to the back of the special building.

I hoped she wouldn't be here, but she was. As if she had been waiting for me. As if she knew I would come if she were here.

"Hey."

Koharu-sensei calls out in a light tone as she had been crouching down.

"Hasn't it been a while since you last showed your face here?"

"...It's been a while."

I respond despite feeling awkward. The guilt of having avoided it and the shame of having no other place to go, which ultimately brought me back.

"Thank goodness. I thought you weren't coming anymore."

Koharu-sensei says with a sense of relief.

"The indigenous people here are on Enoki-kun's side. If you don't come as you are, it would leave a bad taste in my mouth, as if I had driven you away."

"What is that?"

"Well, have a seat. It's still not lunchtime, right?"

I step into the shadow under the eaves of the roof, sit down at a distance from Koharu-sensei, and open the packaging of the yakisoba bread I bought at the school store to eat.

"Do you like yakisoba bread?"

"...Especially."

I just grabbed whatever caught my eye. But it's delicious. Come to think of it, it's been a while since I had a proper lunch at school.

"I like bread rolls."

"Haa."

"It's always unpopular and ends up left over until the end. I feel like I have to support it. Well, I do like the taste too."

Koharu-sensei said that,

"That, I wanted to ask you something."

"Yes."

"When you skipped the last field trip, you said you were watching a movie at home with that woman, right? What movie were you watching?"

"...Are you curious about that?"

"Of course I'm curious. It's a movie worth skipping a field trip for. I can't help but wonder how interesting it must be."

It wasn't particularly interesting. In fact, it was more on the boring side. However, it was still much better than going on a field trip.

I told Koharu-sensei the title of the movie I watched that day.

"Hmm. I've never heard of it at all. I usually don't watch movies."

"What was the last movie you watched?"

It wasn't that she was interested. I thought it would be better than staying silent.

"The anime movie that was released last summer. My friend invited me."

It was a much-talked-about work. There was a lot of buzz about its box office revenue reaching hundreds of billions.

"Then I watched it too. It was interesting."

"Oh, Enoki-kun, you watch stuff like that too? I thought you wouldn't watch movies that everyone else watches, saying they're too mainstream."

"What do you think I am?"

Whether everyone is watching or not, whether it's selling or not, doesn't matter.

Good work is good. An interesting work is interesting. That's all there is to it.

"Well, I didn't like that there were so many people in the movie theater."

When I insert a straw into a paper carton of coffee milk and drink the contents. Compared to the black coffee I usually drink, it's incredibly sweet.

But this is fine as it is.

"Hey. The person you kissed, is it that woman?"

I was caught off guard and choked.

Coughing.

"I knew it. I thought so."

"...I haven't said anything."

I never even said we kissed in the first place.

"But, the body was honest, wasn't it?"

Koharu-sensei had a face like a great detective.

"I see. Enoki-kun likes older people, huh? Well, that person was quite a beauty."

She nods to herself, as if coming to a conclusion.

Suddenly, her voice changed.

"But, you know, I think that person is dangerous."

"Dangerous?"

"Is it called a woman's intuition? I thought so when I met her. This person is someone who will lead Enoki-kun down the wrong path."

Saki-san also said something similar.

Rui-san is the one who drives people crazy.

From a woman's perspective, does Rui-san really come across that way? Even so, I can't help but want to laugh at the harsh things being said.

"Actually, isn't Enoki-kun being influenced?"

"Is that so?"

"Because you have been skipping school a lot lately."

I was pointed out by Koharu-sensei.

"Until now, you used to come properly."

That's right. I've been skipping school lately.

"But I did contact you."

I said.

"Even if skipping class is somewhat forgivable, lying about it and saying I was absent without notice is not acceptable. Sensei told me that."

"Yeah, that's true. You do contact me properly every day. You say you want to take a day off, and you're so blunt about it. It's embarrassing every time I get a message from other teachers about it. It feels like the students are totally taking me for granted."

"I'm not underestimating you, sensei."

"Even if you think that way, others won't take it that way."

"Also, while saying 'It's not Rui-san's fault that I'm skipping school,' I think it might not be the cause, but it could be a reason."

The time I skipped school was often spent with Rui-san. Sometimes I would spend time with her when she also skipped university, and other times I would go to university with her.

When Rui-san found out that I was skipping school, she laughed and said, "Yuito-kun is a bad boy," while putting her own actions aside. And then she said.

"Then, we'll have more time to spend together."

There was no place for me at school, nor at my part-time job.

But Rui-san accepts me. Only the time spent with her brings me peace.

"If you keep missing classes at this rate, you'll end up repeating the year. Plus, you won't be able to keep up with the lessons at all. And you don't have anyone to borrow notes from, right?"

"Maybe."

"Are you really aware of what it might mean?"

"I understand."

I nodded.

"Besides, I think it's okay if I end up repeating a year."

"It's not good. Most students who repeat a year end up dropping out. If that happens, the difficulty level of life will suddenly skyrocket. Enoki-kun, school life might not be enjoyable for you right now. But if you just hold on and do your best now, I'm sure―"

"How long do I have to endure this?"

"Huh?"

"If I endure it, what will be waiting for me on the other side?"

"That is."

And then, Koharu-sensei momentarily stumbled over her words.

"If you go to university, the environment will change. Even if you don't like it now, something fun is surely waiting for you."

"Nothing changes. Even if I become a university student, even if I become a working adult, no matter where I go, I can't escape from the people I dislike. They show up in front of me over and over again, changing their names and appearances. As long as this society is a community, they will appear anywhere. If there are ten people, I dislike nine of them. The people around me are all ones I dislike, yet the world revolves around them. I can't survive in society unless I cater to them. I don't fit in with that crowd. I don't fit in, and I don't even want to. Even if I endure it now, it won't be rewarded in the future, and I know that. But I'm neither noble nor insensitive enough to keep enduring it."

The other day, I clearly realized.

The world is full of people I dislike, and they also dislike me, but society revolves around them.

There is no place for me there.

At the end of enduring, there is more endurance waiting. At the end of it all, there is nothing. It just ends without any reward after enduring it all.

And the others don't even think of my endurance as endurance. It's because they can blend in with their surroundings so naturally.

I'm being forced to run an absurd and unreasonable race. If that's the case, I thought it might be better to drop out now.

If the destination is hell anyway, and if the journey there is hell too, then I want to cherish the time I have with Rui-san now.

"Even if I skip school and end up getting expelled, it won't bother anyone. No one will even notice. No one will be inconvenienced."

No matter what happens, no one will care. Because there are no connections. That's why I can walk the path of destruction without any regrets.

The bell signaling the end of lunch break rang. From outside, the sound of students hurriedly returning to their classrooms could be heard.

But I won't move. I don't care if I'm late. I hate being scolded for being late. I just want to skip school altogether. It's an easy thing to do.

"...I'm sorry. I didn't notice."

Koharu-sensei said.

Koharu-sensei also did not move from that spot. Even though there was a class coming up.

"I didn't know Enoki-kun was thinking like that."

"It's not something Koharu-sensei needs to apologize for."

Koharu-sensei has no fault at all. It was just that I couldn't get used to it. The same thing happened with every class and every homeroom teacher.

"But, you know, I just want to say one thing. You said that if you were to be expelled, no one would care. But that's not true."

"What does this mean?"

"If Enoki-kun stops coming to school, I'll be lonely."

Koharu-sensei said that and then looked straight at me.

The lack of pretense and the intensity of the words make me want to look away. Unable to face it head-on, I involuntarily utter a line of retreat.

"...But if that happens, you can monopolize this place all by yourself."

"Yeah, that's true. But being alone all the time is lonely. I want someone to listen to my complaints. I think there will definitely be days like that."

"Is it for yourself?"

"Yeah. But at least there's one person here who will be happy if Enoki-kun comes to school. Just keep that in the back of your mind."

When she says that,

"That's all. Well then, I have a class to attend."

She said as she stood up and left.

I wasn't told to attend class.

Koharu-sensei's words lingered in the back of my mind even after she was gone.

So, it doesn't mean that anything will change.

But I kept staying.

Chapter 28: If the Destination Is Hell