I found some free time and read the paperback book that Rui-san gave me.

School break time. Part-time job break time. Time before going to bed.

The story helped distract me from the boring and tedious time.

The pages of the paperback book faintly smelled of cigarettes.

Rui-san was probably smoking while reading this book.

While flipping through the smoky pages, I imagine her appearance.

A café that feels like a hideout. On the table, there is an ashtray with a pack of cigarettes, and coffee. Rui-san's slender, white fingers quietly turn the pages. The sound echoes throughout the shop.

Five days after receiving the paperback book from Rui-san.

On the balcony at night after my part-time job. I told her that I had finished reading in between our usual chit-chat.

"Isn't that quite early?"

"I have more free time than I know what to do with."

The truth is, I actually finished reading it much earlier.

I received a book from Rui-san, and by the next day, I had already finished reading it.

But I hesitated to tell her I read it just yesterday. I thought it might come off as too eager. I thought it would be better to wait a few more days.

It was excessive self-consciousness.

"I'm happy. May I ask for your feedback?"

However, Rui-san was completely unaware of my excessive self-consciousness as she innocently asked for my thoughts on the book with a clear and transparent voice.

I conveyed my impressions. I expressed what I thought and felt while reading. My sensibility captured how this story was perceived.

After finishing my speech as if I were delirious with fever, I suddenly realized.

I was trying to showcase my sensibility through my impressions. My desire to be well thought of by her had slipped out.

The moment I realized that, I felt a wave of self-loathing that made me want to vomit.

I was trying to use the work for my own benefit.

That should have been the most despicable act.

"I see. So, Yuito-kun thought that way, huh?"

Did Rui-san see through my pettiness?

Is she pretending not to see it, even though she has seen through it?

On one hand, I didn't want her to see through me, but on the other hand, I wanted her to see through me.

"Hehe. I'm glad to hear your thoughts."

"It looks fun."

"Apparently, getting someone to read my favorite book and hearing your thoughts is more pleasurable than s*x."

Rui-san said, almost singing.

The word s*x suddenly came up, and I was taken aback.

Words that aren't often used in everyday conversation. But it didn't feel forced. The words she spoke suited her well.

Even if I were to say the same words, it wouldn't come out naturally.

"Since there's nothing to compare it to, I don't really understand it."

"Would you like to give it a try?"

Eh, the words almost slipped out. In fact, they might have slipped out.

"Please let me read your favorite book, Yuito-kun. Then I'll read it and give my thoughts. It's unfair for only me to enjoy it."

"Ah."

I said clearly this time. Perhaps I was relieved. That reaction and expression probably didn't match the flow up to that point.

"Did I say something strange?"

"No."

"Could it be that you thought it was the other one?"

Since Rui-san suddenly said that, I just mumbled something like not really or that's not it, trying to brush it off.

"But, are there any books that Rui-san hasn't read?"

"How many books do you think there are in the world?"

That's true too.

"Well then, I'll pass it on next time."

"I'm looking forward to it."

I wanted time to think about which one to give.

At a pause in the conversation, Rui-san took out her smartphone. She checked the screen. Perhaps she had received a message. Within a minute, she closed it.

"Did you get a new smartphone?"

It was different from what she used to use.

"That's right. I dropped it, and it became unusable. If it had just cracked, I would have kept using it as is."

"Weren't there any repair warranty services included when you bought it?"

"I didn't go in. They explained a lot of things to me, but it was too much trouble. Besides..."

"And?"

"Isn't it usually unnecessary, the stuff that the store clerks recommend?"

"Indeed."

I can't help but laugh.

I agreed on that point.

"But when you buy a new smartphone, transferring everything is such a hassle, right?"

I said.

"That's right. I left it alone because it was a hassle, and my friend scolded me. She said she couldn't get in touch with Ruin."

"When you said friend, do you mean the person who came to your apartment before?"

"That person."

She had golden hair and a handsome face. I mistakenly thought she was her boyfriend. I don't really know the truth. It's like Schrödinger's cat.

"That person knows my house, but if it weren't for that, there are quite a few people whose relationships would disappear if they failed to pass."

"Is that how it is?"

"Even if we are friends, I don't know her address or phone number. After graduating from school or quitting a part-time job, there is no way to get in touch with Ruin."

I don't use SNS either, Rui-san says.

"By the way, I just realized. We don't know each other's contact information, do we?"

"Indeed. I know the address, but..."

"It's strange, isn't it, that we talk so much and even go out to play together?"

Neither of us has brought it up until now.

If we have something to talk about, we can talk on the balcony at night. There will be times when we can't meet, but that's okay. We don't always need to be connected.

It’s fine as long as we connect when we feel like it. I’m sure we both thought that way. At least, I thought Rui-san felt the same.

"Since we have the chance, shall we exchange them now?"

"Is it okay?"

"It's more convenient when inviting someone to hang out."

Rui-san said that,

"Moreover, if the apartment were to collapse in the future or if one of us suddenly had to move, we wouldn't be able to get in touch."

She was joking around, but it can't be completely dismissed as a joke. I never know what might happen, just like how I'm now in a position to talk with Rui-san like this.

"That's right. I can also send my impressions of the books I've read."

I add that to hide my embarrassment. At least Rui-san also wants to maintain our connection. I feel joy in that.

Moreover, the words themselves are not a lie.

When I try to convey my thoughts face-to-face, I can't express them well. I'm not good with words, and before I can fully convey what I really want to say, other emotions that well up inside me get in the way.

But if it's in writing, I'm sure I can convey it well.

When I returned to my room, I picked up the smartphone that was on the table. I open the Ruin app and try to add a friend. But my hand stops.

"What's wrong?"

"No, I don't know how to register."

"Hehe. You just need to press here."

I receive instructions on how to operate it. I ended up embodying the proof of having few friends. I follow the instructions while feeling my face heat up.

Indeed, the registration has been successfully completed.

Rui-san's name will also be added to my single-digit friend list. Even though it's called a friend list, the only ones registered are my parents and the people from my part-time job.

Rui-san's icon was the initial icon.

A gray silhouette. Below it, the name Hazuki Rui is displayed.

The background was also from the early days, and among the other icons featuring self-portraits, pet images, and landscapes, it stood out with an especially eerie presence.

However, I can't say anything about others. Because―.

As soon as Rui-san saw my icon, she burst out laughing.

"We had matching icons, didn't we?"

My icon was also one of the early ones.

A gray silhouette. Below, Enoki Yuito was displayed.

The background was naturally still the same as in the beginning.

"I kind of thought that might be the case with Yuito-kun."

Rui-san says happily. Because her prediction was spot on. Because the image of me she had imagined matched the real me.

Matching icons. However, the circumstances leading up to them are surely different.

Rui-san is probably just indifferent. There's no need to promote herself with an icon. She's not trapped by the desire for self-approval. She's free.

I was worried about what others would think of me, so I couldn't choose. I hated being defined by others through an icon. It's restrictive.

"But now, we can get in touch anytime."

Rui-san held up her smartphone screen and smiled at me.

"I'll invite you to hang out every day, until you get tired of it."

"Well then, I need to learn how to block, too."

"Hehe. You're so cold."

Of course, it's a joke. She never invites me to hang out every day. Both Rui-san and I are the type of people who need our alone time.

However, until now, even if I received a call from Ruin, it only made me feel heavy. Because the calls from my parents and the part-time job were never anything good.

But from now on.

When I received a call, I felt like I could check my phone with anticipation.

Chapter 16: Icon