As always, I was always alone at school.

If I say it's obvious, then it is.

I haven't made any effort myself to change the situation. A stroke of luck like a girl falling from the sky is impossible in reality.

Besides, I don't particularly want any changes in the situation.

Lunch break. I quickly leave the classroom, ignoring everyone who has gathered to eat lunch.

Even though I was okay being alone, I wasn't okay eating lunch alone in the classroom.

It's like feeling much lonelier and more miserable when I'm not included in a group, even more so than when I'm alone in a room.

Perhaps, if I were eating lunch alone, a kind classmate who couldn't bear to see me alone might invite me to eat together.

From their perspective, they are probably saying it out of goodwill. But I can't help but feel a sense of pity or condescension from them. I feel like I'm receiving charity.

Then, I can't help but feel miserable.

I don't think being alone is a bad thing, but I'm made to feel like it is.

So, I eat lunch outside the classroom.

At the edge of the school grounds, behind the special building, there is an empty space. Weeds are flourishing around, and the eaves of the school building cast deep shadows.

In that narrow and cramped place, people don't come at all.

All the students who eat outside head towards the lively courtyard, which has a good view, is open, and has benches to sit on.

Sitting down on the asphalt, I unwrap the yakisoba bread I bought from the school store and start eating it slowly. It might be delicious, but it also might not be that great. The bread from the school store is usually about this level, right?

"Oh, Enoki-kun, there you are."

Without savoring it particularly, as I was calmly eating the yakisoba bread, I suddenly heard a voice.

The one who appeared by parting the weeds was the homeroom teacher.

Akesaka Koharu-sensei. Short hair and a petite build. She is wearing a light brown jacket with pants.

She has a baby face, but she is also young in real age. I think she said she was in her second year or something. Everyone in the class called her Koharu-chan and was fond of her.

"Is it okay if I sit here?"

"It's not my land anyway. So I don't have the right to refuse."

"If you could just say please go ahead normally there... it would be fine. With that way of speaking, it sounds like you're reluctantly agreeing..."

In reality, it was reluctantly. At least, they are not welcoming.

Despite looking somewhat uncomfortable, Koharu-sensei sits down next to me. That said, perhaps feeling it was inappropriate to sit directly on the ground, she kept her buttocks lifted. Leaning against the wall, she assumed a position with her buttocks lifted, as if sitting in a crouched position.

"Ah, the morning classes were tiring too. Thinking about the three hours still left in the afternoon makes me feel so down... Moreover, there's also club activities after school."

While grumbling, she opened the bag of bread rolls.

"Moreover, on my days off, I'm stuck in a club I don't even like for the whole day. It's crazy that after all that, the allowance is only 3,000 yen a day. It would be much better to work part-time."

Like a magic trick with the flags of all nations, complaints and grievances keep popping up one after another. It seems she had been bottling up quite a lot in her small, slender body.

Koharu-sensei isn't usually this disheveled. In the classroom, she basically never stops smiling and only says positive things. Therefore, the other students must recognize her as a cheerful and lively teacher.

Koharu-sensei comes to this place where I am during lunch break and vents her daily grievances. She reveals a side of herself that she doesn't show to other students.

At first, I perceived it as a form of pity. I thought she was reaching out to me because she was concerned about me being alone and wanted to include me in the class circle. By exposing her own weaknesses, she might be trying to gain my trust and open my heart.

That's why I once clearly stated to her.

"Um, if you're trying to be considerate of me, you don't have to do that."

"Huh?"

"If you're worried about me being alone, it's okay. I can manage just fine without friends for now."

More than that, I hate being pitied, and it makes me miserable. I don't think my current situation is so bleak that others feel the need to pity me on their own.

She must have picked up on my intention. Koharu-sensei said as if to rephrase.

"Ah. It's not really like that. If you prefer being alone, then that's perfectly fine. If you're in trouble, I want to help. If Enoki-kun is satisfied, it's not my place to interfere."

"I also want to be alone during lunch. But there aren't any other good places. So, if it's okay with you, Enoki-kun, I'd like to use it together."

For me, this place is the only precious spot where I can find peace. It's irreplaceable. That doesn't mean I have the right to kick out Koharu-sensei.

For that reason, we started spending our lunch breaks together occasionally.

That said, it's not every day.

There were times when I went to the library and didn't come here, and there were times when Koharu-sensei didn't come because she was dealing with students' lunch invitations or questions about the class.

"Then, why are you even the advisor for a club you don't like?"

"Because I was persistently asked to do it."

"You should have declined."

"Listen. If things went that easily, there wouldn't be anyone in the world who worries. Because life is full of things that can't be done."

She says something that suggests she has been through a lot of hardship. At the very least, I don't think it's something a homeroom teacher should say to her student.

"Those people only have good memories from school. They don't even feel embarrassed about spending their entire lives within the school without stepping out into society, and they treat the staff at bars with arrogance. They probably don't understand why someone wouldn't want to be a club advisor."

"Isn't that the case for you, too, Koharu-sensei?"

"I didn't stand out at all. I wasn't even noticeable in class. Plain and boring."

"It was a bit surprising. In the classroom, you act cheerful, and everyone looks up to you. I thought you were the center of the class during your school days."

"I'm forcing myself to be upbeat. If they find out that I'm actually dark and plain, I might be looked down on by everyone."

"Being looked down on, is it?"

"If I let students walk all over me, it's all over for a teacher."

Koharu-sensei says something that everyone knows Koharu-sensei wouldn't normally say.

"Why did you become a teacher?"

"Eh. What's wrong all of a sudden?"

"Well, you don't have any good memories from school, right? Yet, isn't it strange that you still want to stay at school even after becoming an adult?"

"Hmm. When I was a student, I didn't like the teacher. You know, teachers are really lenient with the popular kids, right?"

Indeed, there may be such a tendency.

"With the popular kids, teasing the quiet ones. Even if the quiet kids are struggling, they don't seem to notice at all. That really pissed me off. When I become a teacher, I want to be a teacher who pays attention to kids who are plain and not very noticeable, just like me. Maybe, because I didn't have good memories of school, I wanted to save my past self by helping those kids. But when I actually became a teacher, I ended up spending every day on edge, trying to read the mood of the outgoing kids and making sure they didn't take advantage of me. You know, it's better to be nice to the extroverted kids, things run more smoothly that way. It's because they are the ones who control the atmosphere of the class. I realized it after becoming a teacher. I realized that there's not much benefit in paying attention to the plain kids."

Koharu-sensei said that and then laughed self-deprecatingly.

"Ah... If the student version of me saw this, they would be so disappointed... I have become the kind of teacher I used to despise."

"But I think Koharu-sensei is doing a great job."

"...Do you think so?"

"Yes. You might be keeping an eye on the central students' expressions, but I think you're also paying proper attention to the other students."

I don't know how the person evaluates themselves, though.

I think Koharu-sensei treats everyone equally without discrimination. At least among the teachers I know, she is the most so.

Considering my position as a student, that might have been a presumptuous remark. I thought so, but the person's reaction was different.

"Ugh. I'm so happy~... Enoki-kun, it's even more so because you don't seem like the type to go along with things."

She was muttering as if she were chewing something.

"But you know, right? If Enoki-kun tells the other teachers, I'm completely done for, right? I said something like that, didn't I? They all say they have nothing but good memories from school. People who haven't even entered society and act arrogantly at bars."

"I won't say it."

I said.

"First of all, there's no one to say it to."

"I see. Right? I'm glad."

Koharu-sensei smiled with relief.

"Then, since I understand that, there are various things we talk about. Would you take it the wrong way if I said that?"

Not really. It's much better to be inconsiderate than to be overly considerate.

"But Enoki-kun, you've changed a bit recently."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You seem much happier than before. Did something good happen?"

"Not that it's anything particularly good or anything..."

I was surprised.

Koharu-sensei pays more attention to her students than I might think.

The bell signaling the end of lunch break rings out.

Upon hearing that, Koharu-sensei let out a sigh deeper than the ocean.

"Oh~... lunch break is over... It can't be helped. Shall we continue in the afternoon too~"

As if having made up her mind, she stands up and speaks to me.

"I'll go ahead. Enoki-kun, you can't be late either. Listen to my complaints again, okay?"

When she lightly slaps her cheek, Koharu-sensei dons a mask of smiles and armor of brightness. And then she walked from behind the school building towards the classroom.

Chapter 5: A Moment During Lunch Break