It seems that if I don't use my voice for a long time, I will forget how to use it.

That's not allowed during my part-time job.

Since it's the service industry, I would have to speak up whether I like it or not.

It's just that at school, I tend to forget how to project my voice.

Why? Because there isn't a single person to talk to.

I didn't have any friends in my class.

Of course, even students who call themselves in-cast have friends. Students in the same grade band together and form groups.

There is a clear hierarchy within the classroom.

Yet, I don't exist anywhere in that. Nothingness.

The extroverts are talking about PickTook videos and Minstagram, while the introverts are getting excited about anime and mobile games.

I couldn't fit into any group.

Because I hadn't really engaged with SNS, trending anime, or mobile games.

Empathy is important in communication. It was only natural that I, with no common topics to discuss, couldn't fit into their circle.

Putting aside SNS, if I start watching popular anime or playing mobile games now, I can still keep up with everyone's conversations.

Perhaps, I might be able to make friends.

But I didn't want to do that. I want to enjoy the work purely as work. I felt hesitant because it seemed like I was using the work to connect with someone. I thought it was an insincere attitude.

So, I read novels alone at my desk without getting involved with anyone.

I liked novels.

Because as long as I'm reading it, I can be alone.

But there was no one around who liked novels. At least not in my class. I have never met anyone I could talk to.

I sometimes wonder if there are actually people in this world who read novels.

From the time I arrived at school in the morning until after school, I was shut away in the world of books. It was not uncommon for me not to speak to anyone until I left the school gate.

☆

After school, I go to a part-time job I don't want to go to, wear a uniform I don't want to wear, and work hard while praying for the clock to strike, quitting time as soon as possible.

Converting the precious time of a once-in-a-lifetime life into an hourly wage of 1,100 yen.

No matter how fulfilling or painful it is, it's equally 1,100 yen. There is no difference there. Until recently, it was a painful 1,100 yen.

But now it's changed just a little.

Around nine o'clock at night.

As usual, she comes to the store. Dressed in black clothes like a winter night, she heads straight to the register without glancing at the other items.

"Good evening. Twenty-five, please."

I, too, take a box of cigarettes from the shelf as usual and go through the register.

She picks up the box of cigarettes and shyly smiles at me.

"Thank you."

I can tell she's saying thank you. Because it's always like that.

But what language was it? I think it was a language from the north. Even after she left, I thought about it for a while and then remembered, oh, it was Russian.

Just as I was feeling refreshed, I was suddenly called out to.

"That person comes to the store often, right? She's super cute."

He was a university student working part-time on the same shift.

He dyed his hair, and his face is swollen. It seems like he has drinking parties every day and is always broke. Even though I didn't ask, he once talked about it a bit boastfully for some reason.

Even during part-time work, he often fiddled with his smartphone and referred to himself as a Wine bag. Because he goes to drinking parties every day, he's called a Wine bag. He watched popular anime just to keep up with the girls and boldly called himself an otaku.

"Even though she looks so pure, it's nice that she smokes. Is it the gap? I may look tough, but I'm surprisingly weak against gaps, you know?"

Even though it looks like this, it doesn't see anything at all. I wonder how he thinks it looks.

I think everyone in the world is properly watching me.

That self-esteem is something I don't have. I'm envious, and at the same time, I find it annoying.

"But when a woman smokes, it's definitely a hundred percent because of a man. Women who smoke and play pachinko are definitely influenced by their boyfriends or ex-boyfriends."

"Haa."

"From the looks of it, she seems like a university student. But I haven't seen her on campus. If she's that beautiful, I should have noticed her right away."

"It might be."

"I peeked into the smoking area and saw her there. Then I should muster up the courage to say something. Eno-cchi, could you cheer for me so that it goes well?"

Eno-cchi, that's me. Because my name is Enoki Yuito, I'm Eno-cchi. I was named on the first day we had the same shift.

He always talks about how much fun he had at drinking parties, how many amazing people he knows, and he even brings up girls he's interested in, without even listening to what they have to say. He thinks that the breadth of his social network, the number of girls he's slept with, and the name of the company he's secured a job with are all that matter in life.

It's not a problem in itself. I don't think he's a bad person either.

However, when I found out that he was attending a university nearby, I thought, "Even if you study hard and get into a decent university, you can't escape from it."

At school or at work. Surely, it will follow me for a lifetime.

On the days when I have a shift with him, the effort to earn a thousand yen becomes significantly heavier. The time spent in the night breeze before falling asleep becomes longer.

I remember what he was talking about earlier.

I think the reason why Twenty-five-san started smoking was because of a man.

I feel bad when I think about it.

At the very least, I just hoped it wouldn't be someone like a drunkard.

☆

After working until ten at night and earning six thousand six hundred yen, I bought a bento with a half-price sticker at the nearby supermarket and then went home.

I finished eating the cold half-price bento.

It feels like it might be delicious, but it also feels like it might not be. I can't tell because my taste buds aren't refined. I only know that I'm not reaching the amount of nutrients I should be getting.

After dinner, I went out to the balcony as usual.

I opened the lid of the canned coffee I bought along with my bento. While feeling the bitterness of the unsweetened coffee, I was gazing at the night spreading out in front of me.

"Good evening. Thank you for your hard work."

She was on the balcony of the next room. Leaning against the railing, she held a cigarette, likely bought just a moment ago, between her fingers.

"Did you come out to enjoy the night breeze too?"

"I can't sleep unless I do that for a while after my part-time job."

"I understand. After spending a long time with people, you get tired, don't you?"

"Are you also like that, Twenty-five-san?"

"I'm not good with crowds or lively places. That's why I like it here. Because I can hardly hear the sounds of the world."

It was a quiet place.

It's away from the main road, and there are no restaurants or anything like that. In front of the balcony, there is an empty lot, and on the side, a cemetery stretches out.

I glance at the ashtray placed on the railing. Several cigarette butts lay cold and still.

"You smoke quite a lot in a day, don't you?"

"Weren't you waiting for clerk-san to come out?"

"...Is that so?"

"Hehe. Well, what do you think?"

Twenty-five-san smiled and lazily puffed on a cigarette, as if dozing off.

I suddenly remembered what Wine Bag said. The reason she started smoking. Pachinko and cigarettes are a hundred percent influenced by men.

If I pretended to be an idiot, I could have asked.

But I couldn't do it.

In front of her, I want to pretend to be smart instead of pretending to be an idiot. I want to hide the fact that I'm actually an idiot.

"How many hours does clerk-san usually work?"

"It's six hours. From four in the evening to ten at night."

"If it starts at four o'clock, will you make it after school?"

"It's because it's very close by."

"Oh, then could it be that you're a student from Huse High School?"

"That's right."

"I see. So, clerk-san was also a kouhai, huh?"

"So, does that mean Twenty-five-san too?"

"Yes."

Apparently, we both came from the same school. Twenty-five-san is my senpai.

"This place is right in between my university and your high school, no? It's convenient for both of us to commute."

"That, which university are you from, Twenty-five-san?"

Twenty-five-san mentions the name of the university and the faculty.

As expected. She went to the same university as Wine Bag. He is in the Faculty of Economics, so his faculty is different from hers in the Faculty of Arts. There is a possibility of running into each other on campus.

"Since you're in the Faculty of Arts, do you read books and stuff?"

"I read. Especially novels."

"Oh, I read it too, the novel."

"I see."

"I can't afford to buy things at full price, so I often buy used ones."

"I also often buy secondhand books or go to the library."

"What kind of things do you read?"

"There are many works of pure literature. Like Mieko Kawakami, Yoko Ogawa, Sayaka Murata, etc."

"I like them too. Swim With an Elephant, Embracing a Cat was really interesting."

"That’s the one about chess, right? I liked it too."

It was the first time someone understood what I liked.

I was able to talk to someone else about something that no one at school knows about.

Someone who likes the same things I do exists within reach. That was shocking to me.

After that, we talked about books for a while. When the cigarette butts and ash had piled up in her ashtray, I suddenly noticed something placed in the corner of her balcony.

"What happened to that garbage bag?"

There were several bulging garbage bags piled up.

"This is it, but I missed the chance to put it out. The collection is early in the morning, isn't it? When I woke up, the garbage truck was already gone."

We can't put out the trash at this apartment's disposal area except on the morning of the designated day.

If it's a trash bin with a lid, we can put out the trash from the night before, but the trash bin in this apartment can only be used in the morning of the same day.

Since there is no lid and only a net, if we put out the garbage bags the night before, the crows will ransack them as they please.

If we can't put out the garbage by 10 AM when the collection truck arrives, it's too late. It won't be collected.

"I'm nocturnal. I'm not a morning person. I was always late every day in high school, too. Even now, I only take classes after noon."

"You can choose your own schedule in university, right?"

"But, I'm in trouble. At this rate, I won't be able to take out the trash forever, and before I know it, it'll turn into a garbage house."

"Then, shall I take over for you?"

"Huh?"

"If you could leave the garbage bags on the balcony the night before, I will take them out on the morning of the collection day on my way to school."

"...Is that okay?"

"Yes. Either way, we have to take out the trash."

"Isn't it heavy?"

"Even if one or two more are added, it won't really change the amount of effort required. Besides, I usually carry heavier things during my part-time job."

"That is really helpful."

She said while putting her hands together.

"Well then, shall we get started right away with the next one?"

"Understood."

I picked up the garbage bag that was left on her balcony. A transparent garbage bag. I try to look and I can see the contents.

I will leave it here until I take it out tomorrow morning.

"Thanks to the clerk-san, it seems I can avoid turning my house into a garbage dump."

Twenty-five-san smiles as if relieved.

"But seeing the trash I have thrown away is a bit embarrassing, isn't it?"

"I'll make sure not to look, so please don't worry."

"Hehe, you're such a gentleman. That's right. Let me treat you next time."

"You don't have to worry about it."

"I care about it. So, please think about what you would like. If you don't have any particular preferences, I will decide on my own."

"Well, okay, I understand. I will think about it."

"Yes. Well then, good night."

She said that and went back to her room.

For a while after that, I was thinking about what to do to show my gratitude while being blown by the night breeze. But in the end, I couldn't come up with a definitive answer.

Chapter 3: Woman Smoking Cigarettes